Divorce is imminent - 5 tips for you

Your relationship is coming to an end, despite attempts to manage the crisis, and you decide – it's not working anymore. Divorce raises many questions for you, but also fears.

How to proceed? Does she want to take my children away? How to continue financially?

Especially in cases of domestic violence, it is important to act quickly. Here, external counseling centers such as the Mannerotruf offer free counseling and help around the clock.

In case of relationship crisis, violence and divorce contact us. For tips on how to deal with the crisis before it comes to divorce, see this article.

You may want to get out of this relationship crisis as quickly as possible. "It should be quick" or "it should all be over soon". Have you ever thought about this or similar situations before?

Do not make a hasty decision, but take your time.

It can happen that you or your partner do not come to the decision of divorce at the same time.

More often this desire comes from one partner, the other is surprised and hurt by it. This probably releases a lot of strong emotions in you.

However, this can lead to a situation where you do not make a factual decision about the consequences of divorce. This could have consequences for you, your partner or even the children.

Tips before a divorce is finalized

Keep calm in any case
Be aware of the financial, legal and other implications
Document incidents that led to the relationship crisis
Try to avoid further disputes
Talk to your partner about how to proceed
Contact a crisis hotline like the men's hotline

However, divorce is not unusual, you are not alone in this situation. A study by Statistics Austria shows that about 40% of marriages are dissolved again.

Couples who want to separate do so on average after 10 years of marriage. However, this is only an average. It may be that a marriage is dissolved after only a few years. Or after decades you realize that married life no longer makes sense.

When a partner can file for divorce

Basically, there is the amicable divorce and the contested divorce. In the amicable you agree together with your partner that married life no longer has any meaning.

However, if domestic violence is involved, it is a contested divorce in any case.

Overview of prerequisites for divorce by mutual consent:

You have been separated for 6 months
You file for divorce together with your partner
Both partners consider the marriage to have failed
In the case of children: you can agree on the right of contact together
In the case of children: you know about the wishes of the child and have taken advice

The contested divorce

In the case of a contested divorce, you cannot come to an agreement with your partner and there are important reasons for doing so. When it comes to psychological and physical violence, it is marital malpractice.

You or your partner can file for divorce if there has been marital misconduct. This can be dishonorable or immoral behavior.

As a result, your marriage has been deeply broken and divorce occurs after the relationship crisis. You may now be wondering what you can do.

Always be on de-escalation. Especially when violence is involved, it is necessary to weigh up how serious the situation is. In case of emergency, the partner may be banned from entering the area.

Dial the men's emergency line before things escalate!

The following conduct may invoke divorce:

Adultery
Physical and/or psychological violence
Unkind or hostile behavior toward your spouse
Disinterest in spouse and family
Groundless silence, jealousy
Neglect of marital duties
Locking out of shared living spaces, bedrooms…
Perpetration of criminal offenses against third parties
Alcoholism, drugs, pimping, etc.

To get a divorce, you must be able to prove this behavior to your spouse. However, if you wait longer than six months, the crime becomes time-barred.

If you know about the marital misconduct, it is important to decide quickly whether you want a divorce.

However, always keep in mind that this is final and can cause strong emotions on both sides.

Separation due to illness

Illnesses burden a partnership. You will notice that it is not easy to do the right thing in such situations.

However, if your partner has an illness, such as a mental illness or a contagious disease, it is also possible to get a divorce.

Respect your children's wishes during the crisis

When the topic is "children", all other aspects of the divorce often become secondary and many emotions are likely to be stirred up in your case.

A divorce involving children is an even greater challenge.

It is normal to be afraid in such an exceptional situation to see one's children only rarely or not at all after the divorce. But exactly then it is often difficult to make the right decisions.

Give yourself a chance to remain calm in such a crisis!

The crisis hotline "Mannerotruf" offers anonymous counseling for men and professional support around the clock.

What are my chances to see my children after divorce?

The law basically provides for joint custody between the parents. If however the well-being of the child with a parent is endangered, the custody can be withdrawn from this parent.

Especially in cases of domestic violence, it is up to the court to decide on custody rights.

Therefore, it is all the more important that you act with understanding, because any argument and act of violence during a relationship crisis could have far-reaching consequences here. Your behavior before, during and after the divorce is crucial to child custody.

In addition, it may help you and your family to seek professional support in counseling centers, from mediators, or from a parent and child support service. So you and your family can learn to deal with the situation without quarrels and escalations.

If the situation threatens to escalate, try to think about the consequences for you and your children despite any provocations or arguments with your partner.

Contact the men's emergency hotline immediately – even if the situation has already escalated. Especially in such crises, the latter is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week free of charge on 0800 246 247 and offers assistance.

5 tips for a divorce with children

Try to avoid arguments even in such a difficult situation when your children are present
Empathize with your child
Always decide in favor of the child and respect his or her wishes
Accept the non-parent's right of contact
Avoid a custody dispute if possible

The financial cost is often higher than expected

Of course, not only the emotional, but also the financial component plays an important role.

Many spouses are often unaware that a divorce is a costly affair not only in itself, but especially the years afterwards.

Cost points of a divorce

Legal fees
Attorney
Mediators, fee-based counseling services
Spousal and child support payments

The last item in particular can cause financial problems. If you and your partner are working, you have probably built up a good standard of living. You certainly would not want to miss this one. This is absolutely understandable.

However, if your partner is not working, after separation it is usually the other person's responsibility to financially support their ex-partner. Only in rare cases does a one-time severance payment occur.

Other items that can put a financial strain on you

Disbursements to the partner
Sharing what you have saved together
Division of things purchased together (division of assets)
Childcare
Distribute the debt

If you bought things together or saved for retirement together, those will be split as well. When splitting a jointly purchased property, this can come to a high financial burden for you or your partner.

Child care can also become difficult after divorce. Sometimes there's no way to care for your children within your family. Then it will not remain out that you add a third person.

Act in dicey situations – get help!

Get help for these and other points, too. Don't hesitate. In the course of a divorce, unexpected problems always arise. However, if violence is involved, please act immediately: